I used to like purple

To: Thrush

Subject: I hate you.

I hate you for so many reasons, thrush. For one thing, you’re a nasty evil fungal infection that likes to prey on small, innocent people without fully functional immune systems. You pick those who aren’t strong enough to fight you off, and then you torture them repeatedly. You make painful white sores grow inside their little mouths.

I hate you because you take nursing, which ought to be a comforting, soothing, bonding time between mother and baby, and change it into a frustrating, difficult, painful, scream-filled time that we dread.

I hate you because you resist modern medicine as well as old-fashioned remedies. We thought we had you vanquished, but you creep back again and again.

I hate you because you necessitate the use of gentian violet, a Day-Glo purple liquid that is supposed to be like your kryptonite, but has the nasty side effect of doubling as a purple dye. You caused no end of stress and worry when we had to use it before. We’re being more careful this time, but still, because of you, my baby’s mouth and tongue and face are purple, and my skin is purple, and a crib sheet, a pair of pajamas, a blanket sleeper, a couple shirts, a couple washcloths and a bra have all been ruined.

I hate you because you make my baby cry. And when she screams as long and hard as she did this morning, it makes my toddler cry. And then I have a little breakdown and I cry too.

I hate you and I will not rest until you have been conquered.

Your Mortal Enemy,

An angry mother